A contemporary translation of the 9th Commandment could read, “Don’t make false accusations against someone close to you.” For a wife to falsely accuse her husband of “being abusive” or “being an abuser” is absolutely devastating.
Some victims might need that validation from a counselor only because her own perceptions have been regularly discounted or minimized and therefore she no longer knows or trusts her own thoughts, feelings, perceptions, or experiences anymore.Asking those questions requires courage because, in the end, it is very likely they will not be answered. Behind the questions is a deep current of emotion threatening to overtake us.But too often, when the fracture in the universe threatens to swallow us up in pain we fail to get fully present to our emotions. Either we ask the questions but never investigate what emotion is driving those questions, or we resort to some banal Christian slogan to try and make us feel better.But this week I want to answer several questions from a counselor who has some concerns that I am not providing enough qualifiers in my online material and may be empowering women to falsely accuse their husbands of abuse.
I thought it would be helpful to let you in on both his questions and my responses to his concerns.
Tell it to the kids who just learned their parent has a terminal illness. Don’t hear me saying I am rejoicing because of the last couple of weeks. Not once have I danced around our house shouting, “Yeah suffering! But I am expecting the God of resurrection to heal us.