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I remember my football coach had us all in a big circle in the middle of the eld.He was explaining what we were going to do for practice on that very first day, when he threw the football towards the end zone and hollered: “Beardsley, fumble, get the ball!Another issue is that culturally relationships are driven by men, at least in the first innings. Who knows, perhaps I’ll find my special someone through this post?This is different in the more progressive Scandinavian cultures. I want to thank the amazing women who participated involuntarily in this experiment.I started to walk towards it and immediately I could feel my heart rate start to increase.I kept telling myself: “Just pick up the phone, dial her number, and when she answers everything else will come out naturally.” But a bigger part of me was saying: “Ya know what, Dick?I thought: “I’ll just call her on the phone so I don’t have to look her in the eyes when I’m talking to her.” I got home from school that afternoon and my Mom and Dad were in the kitchen, right next to our phone.I thought: “I can’t let my Mom – and especially my Dad – see me talking to a girl on the phone.” So I snuck into our basement where we had one other phone.

I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best.But my goal wasn’t to fuck around, I was here to find that special someone. We took turns, and she rowed with the vigor of a thousand vikings.


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