For example, you confront your girlfriend with something hurtful she’s done like being rude to your family. You always blame me when things go wrong with your family. These behaviors and distorted beliefs are indications of “[her] inability to communicate, [her] inability to solve problems and [her] world view that [she’s] a victim and ‘it’s not fair.’ If things aren’t fair, then the rules about cursing at people or breaking things don’t apply to [her], because it’s not [her] fault. These kids [and women] have a way of thinking that justifies violating other people’s boundaries and that sees them as a victim of everything.
When you try to interfere with or challenge that kind of thinking, these kids [and women] will get more upset, threatening or destructive” (Lehman, Empowering Parents).
Professional Victimhood Starts Early in Life “Very often children see themselves as the victim, no matter how aggressive or abusive their behavior is.
Thinking of themselves this way gives them the ability, in their mind, not to take any responsibility—and if you don’t take responsibility, then you won’t have to change” (Lehman, Empowering Parents).
Her distorted reasoning allows her to avoid thinking about how she hurts others.
Children and women with these issues view any questioning of their behavior, no matter how gentle and well-phrased, as an attack.
Have you ever wondered why your abusive wife, girlfriend or ex blames others, makes excuses or rages when you question her behavior? When she’s angry, does she say “not fair” and that nothing’s her fault?
First she has to recognize that she’s a big part of the problem and give up her victim mentality.